Exoticwear Inc.

The 4 worst pick-up places...
By Elsa K. Simcik

There are many places where single people are expected to pick one another up: Parties, bars, clubs, even poetry readings. And then there are always the more impromptu experiences—waiting for at ATM to open up, or while perusing the mums at the local nursery. In fact, few places are off-limits when it comes to chatting up a potential love interest. But notice that we say "few places" and not "no place." Allow us to tell you about those places where some intrepid guys have gone in search of a love connection—and why you're probably better off not following their lead.

( It's a waiting room, not a mating room )

( If she's grieving, you should be leaving )

( Don't turn the meeting into a meat market )

( Avoid shopping for women at the mall )

( Some quick pick-up pointers... )

That being said...I would also like to point out that the 5th worst pick up place should be at an adult store...porn store...lingerie shop...(adult)bookstore etc etc etc...I'm sure some of you right now are sitting there saying "DUH! Thats a no brainer" but let me tell you...It's not as obvious as you may think!

Case in Point: A young gentleman came into my store a few months ago, telling me how he "Just got out of Jail and hasn't been with a woman in years - do I have any friends who would be interested?" Okay...lets just stop right there...what woman in her right mind would introduce one of her best friends to a complete stranger who just happens convicted criminal that she doesn't even know why he was in jail?! I said no of course and then he proceeded to ask me if I was seeing anyone...um...*facepalm* HELLO! I just told you I would not set you up with my friends and now you want to go out with me?! What the hell...shouldn't you have asked me out first THEN gone after my friends...not that it would have gotten you any further but come on! A little common sence please?!

Now...you would think that after getting rejected like that you would just grab a porno and get the hell out of dodge...no he continued to paruse the shelves and shelves of pocket pussies, dvds, lubes, vibrators, lingerie...EVERYTHING just killing time. It didn't take too long before a group of girls came in together giggling and looking at lingerie and vibrators...

Would you believe that he hit on every single one of them...I yelled at him and said "Excuse me, please do not bother the customers, and if you aren't going to buy anything then you have to leave right now!" The girls got all weird and huddled in the store together not so giggly...I didn't blame them this guy was a creep! Another woman came in and he hit on her too, while he was busy hitting on her the giggly girls fled which angered me because that was 5 potential sales this guy drove away! The woman shoved her wedding band in his face and he backed off...I was pissed by now...I was now yelling at him saying "This is NOT a place for meeting women, if thats all you came here for then Go buy a FUCKING pocket pussy and a DVD and go the hell home or go to a bar or something just not here. Get the hell out or I'm calling the cops!" That seemed to send the message...he did just that - grabbed a dvd and a bottle of lube and left. Finally.

Now, for any other "clueless" guys that think these kind of stores are great for picking up women...think again. Its not like this is a night club or a bar or even a strip club where the people in there half expect to get hit on...no, this is a place of business. Just because women are in here buying dildos and vibrators doesn't mean that they'd prefer the real thing over a battery operated one! Half the women who come in here AREN'T single...they're not looking to be picked up, they're just in here to pick up a little something for themselves or for someone they're currently with...they're not shopping for a single guy who happens to be trolling a sex shop. It goes back up to the point that Elsa made above about clothing stores - only this is more embarrassing...they're shopping for things that not everyone will ever see...underwear, bras, sex toys etc...things that only their husband or boyfriend might see (if they have one) or something that only they will ever see...the last thing they want to do is think that some creep they ran into in the lingerie is going to wack off to the though of them buying something from that same store...chances are that lady will not return...which really pisses me off and is the reason why I become so cranky while at work when these creepy guys come in that think they can pick up anything anywhere...

Oh and yes I have called the cops on people...I've blatantly taken down their license plate numbers or gave them to the operator on the other end of the phone when they were still within earshot...you should see how fast they are able to navigate the parking lot...hehe. One example of my phoning the police was when this man came in a while two girls were already giggley...more like cackeling actually - he comes in and is sort of following them around...I'm not liking this...He kept looking at whatever they were looking at - when the one girl told her friend something smelled nice and smelled it he was right there to take a sniff too and comment on how nice it was...he even thought at that point it would be okay to take one of the more graphic bukkake covers and asked if she liked it...at this point the obviously figured out he was a pervert, so they say "lets go get icecream" and go to leave...I've never seen anyone drop a video and book it after them...at this point I had already told my boyfriend (who was working with me that night) that this guy was a creep and he went outside before they left to have a smoke and to make sure there was no funny business when they left...

Meanwhile outside the shop he was milling around this car trying to talk to them but the one girl was loudly talking to her boyfriend and the other was waiting for her to get in the car but they didn't want to leave because the guy was waiting for them...That was when we stepped in and told him to get the hell away and to stop harrassing our customers and we do not tolorate this kind of behaviour - while he was saying this i was on the phone with the cops giving them his discription, car type and tag number...He got spooked and drove away, but the creep didn't leave he pulled into the deli down the road and around back to where he could see the parking lot to our store...so we told the girls to stay put and appologized for him being an ass...he then moved to a different parking lot before driving off completely. They went home a different way that night after giving a brief report to the responding cops. What the hell...this is not the reputation we want to have...so if you are a creep looking to pick up women go to a fucking bar.

OH I should add that he had the nerve to return to the store that night an try to appologize - I told him to get the FUck out and don't ever come back to this store because he is not welcome and the Cops no to look out for him and that we do NOT Tolorate that kind of behavior. He mumbled something about thinking they were flirting with him...ooooh how wrong he was. Dumbass.

So remember...don't go looking for dates at the porn store...unless of course they are the battery oporated ones. hehehe

Current Mood: annoyed

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