gifts for cheeky monkies

2005-11-30T00:46:34Z

Fresh from the shelves of Exoticwear ~ perfect for your favorite sex-addicted cheeky monkey!

You've seen those bla bla ordinary 3d laser etched glass paperweight cubes right?
well...these ain't one of em!

http://stores.ebay.com/Malamin-Warehouses_Statues-Figurines_W0QQcolZ4QQdirZ1QQftidZ2QQtZkm

The 4 worst pick-up places...

2005-10-24T23:36:22Z

By Elsa K. Simcik

There are many places where single people are expected to pick one another up: Parties, bars, clubs, even poetry readings. And then there are always the more impromptu experiences—waiting for at ATM to open up, or while perusing the mums at the local nursery. In fact, few places are off-limits when it comes to chatting up a potential love interest. But notice that we say "few places" and not "no place." Allow us to tell you about those places where some intrepid guys have gone in search of a love connection—and why you're probably better off not following their lead.

It's a waiting room, not a mating room.
"I was in the waiting room of my dermatologist's office and a guy asked me if I was there to get Botox," admits Monica Mason, 30. "I was so insulted. I should have told him I had contracted a highly contagious rash."

Lesson learned: That's an example of a bad line and a bad place. We might not be able to help this guy. When a woman is at a doctor's office, she could be embarrassed, scared or just plain sick. The whole "what are you in for?" approach is never going to work, but more importantly, she's just not in a flirty frame of mind.

If she's grieving, you should be leaving.
"I actually had a guy hit on me at my grandmother's funeral," says Tanya Richter. "He said 'Hey, what are you doing after this?' I told him I didn't think my grandmother would appreciate me skipping her funeral reception for a date."

Lesson learned: When you attend a funeral, just remember to put on your black suit, a serious face and never put on the moves. The poor girl is mourning (and you should be, too).

Don't turn the meeting into a meat market.
"I buy media for an advertising agency, so sales people often make presentations to me," explains Meredith Harrison. "At the end of one meeting, a sales rep said in front of everyone, 'And if you go out with me this weekend, I'll give you an even better deal.' Needless to say, he didn’t get me or my business."

Lesson learned: Basically, when a woman's trying to work, don't work on her. Acquiring a reputation as a bimbo isn't a career-booster in any woman's book.

Avoid shopping for women at the mall.
"I was shopping for a bathing suit at the mall, so already, I wasn't in the best mood," says Tricia Crawford. "This guy came up to me while I was looking at bikinis and said, 'That one would look great on you.' I didn't want his shopping advice—or a date with him."

Lesson learned: Guys, you wouldn't believe what women have to face at the mall: Unflattering dressing room lighting, obnoxious sales people, never finding anything in the right size. If you see a woman looking stressed out while shopping, you probably won't be able to brighten her day. Just grab your Banana Republic shirt and be on your way. Now, if she's having a beer in the food court, that's another story.

Some quick pick-up pointers...
So where should you go to meet women? OK, there's not a list of pre-approved places, but some are more conducive to romance than others. Bars are still a top spot according to the women I've interviewed. Think about it: Everyone's relaxed, carefree and no matter how much girls try to act like they're just into chatting with their girlfriends, they’re all there for the same purpose—to meet guys. Or better yet, to meet you.

Really, a lot of public places are up for grabs—from museums to your house of worship. You just have to assess the situation: Is she in a hurry? Is she distracted? Not ideal for courting. But if an opportunity presents itself at, say, the grocery store... then go for it. Yes, you may still get turned down, but as long as the place is appropriate and you have a good attitude, a smart plan and fresh breath, your pick-up success rate is sure to soar.

Elsa K. Simcik is a writer specializing in relationships and fitness. She has contributed to Men’s Edge, Daily Candy, Women's Health and Fitness and more. She can be reached at www.writinggal.com.

Borrowed without Permission from: MSN.com.

That being said...I would also like to point out that the 5th worst pick up place should be at an adult store...porn store...lingerie shop...(adult)bookstore etc etc etc...I'm sure some of you right now are sitting there saying "DUH! Thats a no brainer" but let me tell you...It's not as obvious as you may think!

Case in Point: A young gentleman came into my store a few months ago, telling me how he "Just got out of Jail and hasn't been with a woman in years - do I have any friends who would be interested?" Okay...lets just stop right there...what woman in her right mind would introduce one of her best friends to a complete stranger who just happens convicted criminal that she doesn't even know why he was in jail?! I said no of course and then he proceeded to ask me if I was seeing anyone...um...*facepalm* HELLO! I just told you I would not set you up with my friends and now you want to go out with me?! What the hell...shouldn't you have asked me out first THEN gone after my friends...not that it would have gotten you any further but come on! A little common sence please?!

Now...you would think that after getting rejected like that you would just grab a porno and get the hell out of dodge...no he continued to paruse the shelves and shelves of pocket pussies, dvds, lubes, vibrators, lingerie...EVERYTHING just killing time. It didn't take too long before a group of girls came in together giggling and looking at lingerie and vibrators...

Would you believe that he hit on every single one of them...I yelled at him and said "Excuse me, please do not bother the customers, and if you aren't going to buy anything then you have to leave right now!" The girls got all weird and huddled in the store together not so giggly...I didn't blame them this guy was a creep! Another woman came in and he hit on her too, while he was busy hitting on her the giggly girls fled which angered me because that was 5 potential sales this guy drove away! The woman shoved her wedding band in his face and he backed off...I was pissed by now...I was now yelling at him saying "This is NOT a place for meeting women, if thats all you came here for then Go buy a FUCKING pocket pussy and a DVD and go the hell home or go to a bar or something just not here. Get the hell out or I'm calling the cops!" That seemed to send the message...he did just that - grabbed a dvd and a bottle of lube and left. Finally.

Now, for any other "clueless" guys that think these kind of stores are great for picking up women...think again. Its not like this is a night club or a bar or even a strip club where the people in there half expect to get hit on...no, this is a place of business. Just because women are in here buying dildos and vibrators doesn't mean that they'd prefer the real thing over a battery operated one! Half the women who come in here AREN'T single...they're not looking to be picked up, they're just in here to pick up a little something for themselves or for someone they're currently with...they're not shopping for a single guy who happens to be trolling a sex shop. It goes back up to the point that Elsa made above about clothing stores - only this is more embarrassing...they're shopping for things that not everyone will ever see...underwear, bras, sex toys etc...things that only their husband or boyfriend might see (if they have one) or something that only they will ever see...the last thing they want to do is think that some creep they ran into in the lingerie is going to wack off to the though of them buying something from that same store...chances are that lady will not return...which really pisses me off and is the reason why I become so cranky while at work when these creepy guys come in that think they can pick up anything anywhere...

Oh and yes I have called the cops on people...I've blatantly taken down their license plate numbers or gave them to the operator on the other end of the phone when they were still within earshot...you should see how fast they are able to navigate the parking lot...hehe. One example of my phoning the police was when this man came in a while two girls were already giggley...more like cackeling actually - he comes in and is sort of following them around...I'm not liking this...He kept looking at whatever they were looking at - when the one girl told her friend something smelled nice and smelled it he was right there to take a sniff too and comment on how nice it was...he even thought at that point it would be okay to take one of the more graphic bukkake covers and asked if she liked it...at this point the obviously figured out he was a pervert, so they say "lets go get icecream" and go to leave...I've never seen anyone drop a video and book it after them...at this point I had already told my boyfriend (who was working with me that night) that this guy was a creep and he went outside before they left to have a smoke and to make sure there was no funny business when they left...

Meanwhile outside the shop he was milling around this car trying to talk to them but the one girl was loudly talking to her boyfriend and the other was waiting for her to get in the car but they didn't want to leave because the guy was waiting for them...That was when we stepped in and told him to get the hell away and to stop harrassing our customers and we do not tolorate this kind of behaviour - while he was saying this i was on the phone with the cops giving them his discription, car type and tag number...He got spooked and drove away, but the creep didn't leave he pulled into the deli down the road and around back to where he could see the parking lot to our store...so we told the girls to stay put and appologized for him being an ass...he then moved to a different parking lot before driving off completely. They went home a different way that night after giving a brief report to the responding cops. What the hell...this is not the reputation we want to have...so if you are a creep looking to pick up women go to a fucking bar.

OH I should add that he had the nerve to return to the store that night an try to appologize - I told him to get the FUck out and don't ever come back to this store because he is not welcome and the Cops no to look out for him and that we do NOT Tolorate that kind of behavior. He mumbled something about thinking they were flirting with him...ooooh how wrong he was. Dumbass.

So remember...don't go looking for dates at the porn store...unless of course they are the battery oporated ones. hehehe

PIRATES - Collectors Edition

2005-10-16T00:14:23Z

What can I possibly say? Pirate Porn! Yep...you heard me right....Pirate porn.

From the award-winning director Joone comes the biggest epic in the history of adult films. This electrifying, swashbuckling sex-adventure takes you on a humorous and mystical journey through haunted seas and deep into the abyss of our most lustful desires...

Pirates features deadly swordplay against skeleton warriors, Jesse Jane(tm) in her first girl/girl scene with Janine & Carment Luvana, dirty pirate whores (Teagan Presley, Devon, Jenaveve Jolie and many more), awe-inspiring Incan magic, grandiose sea battles, loads of special features & hot extras within a 3 disc set, and 10 of the most arousing sex scenes in the history of erotic cinema!

http://www.piratesxxx.com

Again...let me reiterate my point and say..."WOW" pirate porn...jeeze what will they think of next? Harry Cooter and the Sorcerer's Boner? Starring Harry Cooter, Herhynee, and Ronald Pleaseme? against the evils of Mouthboy (his croonies Crabbs and Boils) and the evil dark lord "he who must not be fucked"?

stop me now.

http://www.exoticwear.com/

2005-08-15T17:32:59Z

Thanks for visiting Exoticwear! Where your photo could win you $500.00

Turned on by the idea of thousands of men and women lusting over a photo of you NAKED TITS and on display for the whole world to see? If you're the kind of girl who is forever being told what a great set of tits you have, who is always being asked if you're a model, and who never, ever buys her own drinks you very well may be.

Upload your best NAKED tits photo, with “Exoticwear.com” written across them and with your face visible and you will end up in our Exoticwear Rate This Picture Contest!

So if you have tits, we and the rest of the world would love to see them, so grab your camera, take those bras off, and submit your pics!

Exoticwear's rules and requirements for contest! Where your photo could win you $500.00

Ladies!

Would you like to get $500.00 Cash from Exoticwear?

Think you have what it takes to be an Exoticwear Titty Girl?

Turned on by the idea of thousands of men and women lusting over a photo of you NAKED TITS and on display for the whole world to see? If you're the kind of girl who is forever being told what a great set of tits you have, who is always being asked if you're a model, and who never, ever buys her own drinks you very well may be.

Submit us your best NAKED tits photo, with “Exoticwear.com” written across them or holding a sign with "Exoticwear.com" under them (be sure not to block your boobs!) and you will end up in our Exoticwear Honeys galleries!

So if you have tits, we'd love to see them, and so would the rest of the world, so grab your camera, take those bras off, and send us your pics!

Here's how it works:

Fill out the model release form, (because we need to make sure you are at least 18) include a photocopy of (1) a photo ID* and (2) another form of ID*, and submit us your NUDE pic.

It's as easy as that!

All pictures will be added to the galleries at Exoticwear.com

Every picture** that is posted will be voted on by web surfers. All pictures will be posted for the duration of the contest, winner to be announced on Thursday, September 1st 2005.

And, as if that isn't incentive enough, the award for the photographer of the winner is $50.00 cash. So tell your man to grab his cam and get snapping, because that's a great prize!

All photos become the unreturnable property of Exoticwear Inc.

* PHOTO ID must be a driver’s license, passport, work or school ID, or state issued photo ID.
Other ID: birth certificate, Social Security Card, Marriage Certificate or Immigration Card.
** Exoticwear reserves the right to sort, censor or otherwise not post any or all submissions.

ONLY NUDE PHOTOS WILL BE CONSIDERED.
Only one person per picture, NO group pictures!

You can get the model release form here.

Contest winner announced:

Thursday, September 1st. 2005

>>> Click Here To Vote On Pictures Now <<<<<